In choosing a college, I said to myself that I wanted to go to a christian college to “be challenged and continue to grow in my faith. Little did I realize one of the biggest challenged I would face would take me to some wild places. Through the years, I would struggle with a multitude of questions. The heaviest: what does it mea to be a Christian? And the examples I’ve seen have been great…great lies. You see, I came to a christian college so that I could grow in God by examples of good Christian’s around me. But what I found were a bunch of hypocrites & lies: people pretending to be something they are not, people flirting with death as if they were immortal, people tricking and deceiving and the next moment singing praises of how good God was. Fakes. Looking around, I found a few genuine people. Some were stoners, most of you know one, who hate the lot and want only to have fun. Others were drinkers, week after week, that lived without a care as long as they had some vodka or beer. And still others, amongst the “Godly” were truly on fire and living beautiful lives. But the majority are a multitude of liars, pretending that everything is okay, as if they knew what was going on in their lives, the world, the universe, when in reality, they are blind: grasping, not only with their hands, but with their minds, to understand something they never can. Amongst these people, you cannot question anything because “that is just wrong”. So if I’m struggling with drinking, lust, sex, drugs, suicidal tendencies, homosexual feelings, anger, frustration, feeling useless, dumb, idiotic, unworthy, depressed, am I wrong? Because these are questions I can not ask… I’m pushed away and forced to deal with it on my own. I’m told to come back when I’m healthy and healed and have found God because if I’m struggling, obviously I must be doing something wrong. Does it make me sorry to say that some of the best conversations I’ve ever had about God and Religion are with the same people I was drinking and getting high with? You see, we (yes, not just you, but also me), we are so quick to judge all the parties, so quick to make a statement and not listen. Yes, we are all guilty of being so quick to take that position of God and judge the people we see (the stoners, the drinkers, the lustful, the Godly, the fake alike) instead of stopping to hear out what that other person has to say because “God forbid a person like that have something of use to say”. Yes, I’m guilty of this as well and it would be a God Damned lie if I tried to say otherwise. Yes, I judge. But I judge because I’ve seen so many people struggling with these questions in life, struggling with the pain, pains that people in the Christian community say are wrong. I’ve seen those people be pushed away. I’ve seen those people run away. I’ve seen those people hide behind the masks of “everything’s alright”, “I’m just tired”, and “It’s been a long week” when in reality they are screaming for attention and fearing the worst: that someone might see the scars from sliding that blade across one too many times, that their emotional scars might be seen because they are permanently worn on their face, or that someone might actually care enough to ask what’s wrong. But no. These bruises and scars and tears are constant reminders that you are not perfect and that if you can’t show you are perfect in God’s eyes by not having any problems or struggling with any sin, then you are not worthy enough to be accepted into this loving community. Shunned, like the prostitute, the liar, the tax collector, the sinners we are. Yet we still shun others so that our sins might not mark us up as bad as it does the others, so that we might look down upon someone and feel better about ourselves when the reality of the situation is that we are all stained. Don’t you get it? We are one in the same! We are united, not by the very things that separate us, but the one thing that draws us together: that we are sinners! We don’t deserve grace, we don’t deserve love, we don’t deserve these lives we have, yet we do. But, why even try to comprehend that. We will all still sit here like we are higher beings because we don’t drink, we don’t lust, we don’t have sex, we don’t do drugs, we don’t contemplate suicide, we don’t struggle with homosexuality, we don’t feel anger, frustration, useless, dumb, idiotic, unworthy, depressed, we don’t do anything wrong….

Or maybe we do….

So what are we to do, brothers and sisters?

What are we to do?

-The Sonder’s TCM


~ by robertlouishernandez on March 13, 2013.

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